Onions

It's probably happened to some of you. You're eagerly waiting for your hamburger or sandwich and take a big first bite, only to be unexpectedly greeted with an abnormal crunch and some pungent flavor. "Oh no," you say, "Did I forget to say no onions?" You look under the bread only to see onions cut into a nice brunoise. Of course they're not the big slices you can easily pull off the bun. If you're nodding your head right now, you're one of us, you are an anti-onionian. For the rest of you, anti-onionians are people who carefully scan the menu to see if a dish, particularly hamburgers and sandwiches, have onions. If so, they exercise their rights as a diner to demand that no onions be placed on said dish. Generally, anti-onionians have only one request, "No Onions." These are usually not high-maintenance customers who place an order like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally.

At this point you're wondering why on earth are you writing about something as trivial as onions? Why you ask? Why? Because I am an Anti-Onionian! Wow, it felt good to put that out there. It's time someone said something. It's time to take a stand for all of the other Anti-Onionians out there. Questions need to be answered and myths need to be debunked.

Question: If you don't like them, why not just pick them off?

A: Okay, this is just what my family used to tell me when I was little and we'd order the supreme pizza. This always drove me crazy, as I enjoy a simple pizza, not some salad buffet topped pizza. If the slices of onion are more like the size of the red onion slices, it's an easy removal process. However, if they chop them up in the little cubes and hide them in the cheese, it becomes a restorative pizza project. Just when you think you have removed them all, you bite into an onion using a pepperoni slice as an umbrella. This applies to sandwiches and hamburgers as well. While they frequently have the cheese issue, you also run into the mayonnaise and mustard being used as an adhesive to keep the onions from being removed like some warning tag on the underside of a couch cushion. If I don't like them, how about I ask you to leave them off? What if I were allergic? Maybe we need onions to be treated like peanuts.

Myth: You Anti-Onionians are too small of a voice to make a difference.

How dare you! We are a lot larger than you may think. I can't tell you how many times I've been out to eat in a group and have had everyone request no onions. Unfortunately, there are no statistics out there to resolve this debate. One would think that if the majority don't prefer onions in this environment, they would be relegated to the 'optional topping' category. If any action were to come from this post, my request would be that people would have to ask for onions rather than ask that they be excluded.

Question & Myth: You're an alleged "foodie," yet you don't want onions around? You are a fraud!

First off, name-calling is not necessary. I am no fraud, and I don't want onions eradicated from all dining establishments. I respect the flavor and depth that onions can provide. Finely chopped onions sautéed in olive oil are a fantastic start to many sauces, especially a great tomato sauce. In fact, if I am including them, I usually chop them superfine so I don't encounter an unsavory onion cube. The finely chopped onion can quickly dissolve into the sauce, which adds the depth without the crunch. In some circumstances, I keep them large, so they're easy to remove.

Anti-Onionians, stand up and let your voice be heard! Do not accept that disappointing crunch that shocks you with your first bite. Don't let onions become the standard topping on a sandwich or a hamburger. Chant with me, hold the onions! Hold the onions! Hold the onions!

Le Bernadin!

I lucked into having the chance to visit one of the best restaurants in the world (#11, to be exact, as voted by Restaurant Magazine). As soon as I learned of a business trip to NYC, I decided I would make the most of this opportunity with a highly desired reservation. It didn't matter that the best time they could get me in was 9:45 on the night I flew in, I would have taken an even later time. The unfortunate thing about such a late reservation was the time spent waiting for it to show up. I tried to not psyche myself out about how the food would be. I didn't want to expect the best meal of my life only to be let down by anything less. I ate very little that day, in fact I'm not sure I ate at all. What would be the point? Tray tables down? Seat backs. . . back? Let's go.

Eric Ripert's, Le Bernadin, is well-known for being a top restaurant, but it's an even more known for having amazing seafood. If you come here for anything but, you'll be disappointed. After quite a bit of internal debate (I was dining alone), I went with the Le Bernadin tasting menu. I've listed photos of the courses, in order, below. I apologize for the quality. They were taken on my cell phone without the use of a flash. I refused to create even more attention for myself as a loser, eating alone, using the flash on his phone. First course was Layers of Thinly Pounded Yellowfin Tuna; Toasted Baguette; Shaved Chives and Extra Virgin Olive Oil. The presentation was amazing on this course, as it was on most, but I loved the delicate flavor here. It was very similar to eating sushi and the texture of the baguette was a nice contrast to the pounded tuna. It was probably my second favorite course. Next was the Charred Octopus; Fermented Black Bean - Pear Sauce Vierge; Ink - Miso Vinaigrette; Purple Basil. Seeing this course on the menu almost made me choose something else, but I figured, why not. The flavors were quite surprising, in a pleasant way. You could taste the char on the octopus, but not overwhelmingly. It kind of had a chicken consistency, not rubbery, which means it was cooked beyond perfectly. The fermented black bean was sweet and complimented the char flavor. Next was the Warm Lobster Carpaccio; Hearts of Palm, Orange Vinaigrette. Pretty hard for me to not like lobster, and this was no exception. The sauce on this was quite savory and there was pickled ginger and shaved fennel that served as a nice contrast to the buttery lobster. Then, I had the Seared Yellowtail King Fish; Truffle Risotto, Baby Vegetables, Black Truffle Emulsion. This was my favorite course. The fish was cooked medium rare and had so much flavor. Plus, the combination of the truffle emulsion and the truffle risotto was fantastic. I debated about asking for a second. This was followed with the Crispy Black Bass; Lup Cheong and Beansprout “Risotto” Mini Steamed Buns, Hoisin-Plum Jus. The flavors of this were definitely Asian-inspired, as can be seen in the name. The fish was delicately moist with a nice crispy layer. Moving towards dessert, I had the Parsnip Crème Brulée, Roasted Hazelnut, Browned Milk Solids, Vanilla Salt. The desserts were not anything special, and while I appreciated the art of this dish, it was kind of bland. Almost done with the Maralumi Milk Chocolate Parfait, Liquid Pear, Gingersnap. I liked this more than I thought I would. I really would love to know how they made the liquid pear. It had the appearance of a pear, but broke like an egg yolk over the parfait. It gave the dish a nice clean pear flavor. I couldn't tell you what the next two dishes were as I didn't take good notes, and they weren't on the menu. One was some sort of multi-layered chocolate mousse served in a hollowed out egg. The presentation was stunning, and the flavor wasn't bad. Sadly, I got excited and squeezed the egg shell instead of the dish as I scooped out the bottom. The waitress did inform me that about 50% of people have the same problem. I think she was lying. Lastly was kind of thank you dish of small chocolates. I can't remember what any of them were, but they were good.

To sum it up, yes, it was one of the best meals I have ever had. The best. . . I'm not sure. However, I do believe it deserves to be one of the best restaurants in the world. Dessert wasn't exciting, but it rarely is at some of these nicer places. I don't know why that tends to be the case, but I'd rather have a good dinner and a mediocre dessert than the other way around. Take some time, find a great restaurant in your area and attack it!

You Can Be Fresh With Me!

Fresh is better, period. You can't argue with it. You can give a number of excuses about how it's more difficult or it's more time consuming or it's more expensive, but you can't argue that it's not better. This is why I hate having to stick up for myself for choosing to eat exclusively at restaurants that embrace freshness. Am I a snob for preferring to take my edaciousness to a restaurant that elevates its ingredients? Were those who chose to travel by car over the horse jeered as they drove by? Were people referred to as "soap snobs" who embraced bathing regularly? I have said, and will say again, that the fuel you put in your body should be of high quality. It's tough to argue against that.

With my rant now complete, I offer you our recent fresh journey with homemade pasta! Don't roll your eyes, you can easily do it in your own home. It's best to have a pasta maker, but a rolling pin could get the job done. All you need is about 500 grams of semolina flour, a tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil, and 5 eggs. In the video below, you can get the gist of how you mix it all together. For a simple sauce, I used some canned, peeled, whole San Marzano tomatoes, high quality extra virgin olive oil (is there any other level?), mozzarella, basil, and some garlic. Saute the garlic in the olive oil until just brown, then add your tomatoes and basil. Cook those until the juice from the tomatoes has almost completely evaporated. Once your sauce is ready, add it to your cooked pasta along with the mozzarella. For the mozzarella, I suggest those little mozzarella pearls, not grated. You don't want some lousy grated mozzarella ruining the taste of your fresh pasta. Now you've accomplished an amazing food feat.

Please note that the video below was shot during an eclipse, which should explain the odd shadows that occur from time to time. I could've looked up to witness this historic event, but I kept my head down and stuck with it. Make pasta this weekend and tell people all about it all of next week. You'll then witness the look that I normally receive.

I'm Back!

Yes, that's right, I'm back! Better than ever. Improved. Upgraded. Renewed. Renovated. Enough with the thesaurus. I've sorted through so much fan mail, e-mail, video mail, and chain mail requesting that this blog be continued. Requesting that I guide people in their search to become more interested in the fuel they put into their bodies. I will give you one post per week, minimum.

What's coming up next? Make your own pasta and gnocchi, chef interviews (hopefully), reviews of some great restaurants, an Italy trip, and last but not least, my familiar rantings. Please stay tuned, you will not be disappointed, unless you're easily disappointed. If you are, stop following blogs.

5280 Rant!

Perhaps it's been too long, but I'm back, I'm back with a vengeance. For those of you unfamiliar with 5280/Denver Restaurant Week, it's a week-long (or two weeks) celebration of local restaurants. Many of the restaurants offer a menu for $52.80 per couple. What's great about this time period is that it gets people out there enjoying some of the better restaurants in Denver. $52.80 per couple is a steal at many of these places, and you might try a restaurant that you would otherwise be hesitant to try. One could make the argument that it is like the Black Friday for restaurants, which is partially why it has been extended to two week the past couple of years. At the better restaurants in town, reservation are very hard to find. Anyways, you know how much I enjoy this time of year, read the reviews. Now it's time to rant.

Rant #1: The "Too-good-for-Restaurant-Week" Restaurant. I'm not referring to the restaurants that opt not to participate in this exciting culinary fortnight. This is for the restaurants that, for some reason, feel pressured to join in. If you're going to partake, you better bring it. Do we need to send the sassy cheerleader from Compton in Bring it On to force them to bring their A game? I'm calling out Frank Bonanno, chef/owner of Mizuna, Luca D'Italia, and Bones. These restaurants are highly rated, each of them made the top 25 in 5280's recent article. Unfortunately, he provides very weak menus at each restaurant during this week. Two main entree courses at Mizuna and Luca D'Italia and only one at Bones. All offered a very weak dessert. Really, Chef? Don't bother. I would love to try each of these places, but not with such a 'blah' menu. Give people a reason to come back outside of restaurant week.

Rant #2: The "You don't even have real chefs" Restaurant. Restaurant Week is a time where people should be trying restaurants they wouldn't normally go to, not restaurants that specialize in horrible commercials. Someone needs to serve as the Czar of Restaurant Week (Please nominate me). I would like to call each of these restaurants out by name: Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. (runs Forrest runs, I got the runs!), Carrabba's Italian Grill (mmmmm, slightly better than Olive Garden, that wasn't a compliment), Hacienda Colorado (who spends a lot of money on Mexican food? not Mexicans), Hard Rock Cafe (does that include a free t-shirt?), Lodo's Bar & Grill (I hope several buckets of beer are included), Nick-N-Willy's Take-N-Bake Pizza (really? $52.80 and I still have to make my own pizza. . . thanks), Outback Steakhouse (wow, it's called Outback, so you know where to run to throw up), P.F. Chang's China Bistro (Bistro is French, but the food is Chinese? I don't get this), Pappadeaux Seafood Kitchen (how many things stuffed inside a fish will $52.80 get me?), Pizza Republica (if pizza is in your name then you are ripping people off), Rio Grande Restaurant (go talk to Hacienda), Rock Bottom Restaurant & Brewery (show up here and you've hit Rock Bottom), Saltgrass Steakhouse (how creative, let's name it after what the cows eat and what goes on the steak), Ted's Montana Grill (thanks Ted Turner for finding a new way to rip people off!), The Dusty Boot Steakhouse & Saloon (Dusty Boot? name it after something clean if you want me to eat here), The Melting Pot (fondue? 1970 called and it wants its restaurant back), Wingin' It (if you spend $52.80 on wings, that pain in your arm means you're having a heart attack), Wynkoop Brewing Company ($52.80 gets you three courses and a ticket to their comedy club, but they'll be laughing at you, not with you).

Rant #3: Snotty waiters during 5280. I've had little experience with nasty waiters during this time, as I believe many are thankful for the great increase in business. However, I did hear one story that angered me greatly. A couple went out to the Melting Pot last year and the waiter said how he hated 5280 week due to the number of people who only tip off of the $52.80 amount. Really??!! Are you serious??!! That's how much it costs. Since when do I make up how much I think this might have cost and tip you off of that? There are no coupons or BOGO deals during 5280 week. Plus, it's the Melting Pot. People dip tiny pieces of meat in hot oil. What's the cost of materials on 2 oz of filet and 3 shrimp? $5? Please, get over yourself.

Trust me when I say that 5280 week is my favorite week of the year. I had to get that those things off my chest. Now where did I put my toast for my escargot?

Snooze Review

I really think they did a great job of naming this place. Out of all the buttons on an alarm clock, they chose the one that sounds hip. Volume or Tuner wouldn't have made sense. Keep in mind that you're going to have to wait at least 8-10 slaps of the Snooze button before you get seated. We knew this going in, so we weren't upset about having to wait 40 minutes, which was shorter than the hour they quoted us. As for the facilities available to wait in, they're not good, but name a restaurant that is enjoyable to wait at. Restaurants rarely devote any money to the waiting area. Why should they, you still have to wait. At least you aren't naked sitting on butcher paper.
We were seated at the counter and warmly greeted by the waitress/bartender. She gave us a great rundown of the menu and explained that they were really flexible in how you're food was made. If you wanted a half order, done. Small portion of a pancake, done. I appreciated the willingness to make it your way. I enjoyed a fresh squeezed orange juice while my wife had the vanilla latte. She was impressed at how flavorful it was, about as good as Starbucks. I didn't want to order pancakes, particularly because most places serve their pancakes dry and too heavy. The wife informed me that all the reviews said the pancakes were worth it. I went with the half-order of the BBQ Pork Benny and the cinnamon roll pancake (not on the menu) and the Colorado peach ginger pancake.
The BBQ Pork Benny was certainly unique and full of different flavors. I enjoyed it but wouldn't order it again. Holy crap on the pancakes. I don't know what they put in them, but the waitress compared them to crack. While I'm aware of crack's addictive nature, I've never partaken in the aforementioned substance. Let's just say that from now on, when something is so good and addictive, I'm going to say it's like a Snooze pancake. Seriously, clouds, pillows, puppies and other things soft were like the consistency of these pancakes. The flavor was out of this world.
You want to hear something negative? I had to wait 10 minutes + for my water to be refilled. While the service was friendly, it was kind of like they gushed when you were seated but didn't come back much after that. Obviously the wait sucks, but it should tell you something. You don't have to wait for something horrible. So wake up once your alarm goes off and head down to Snooze, though it might be apropos to hit snooze a couple of times and dream a little more about their pancakes.

Olivea Review

All right, negative things first. I hate trying to find parking. While there is a parking lot at Olivea, it's not too big and it's cramped. We drove around the block or larger immediate area before a spot opened up in the lot. Okay, that's the negative. Everything else was very positive. They had several cocktail concoctions on the menu, and my wife ordered the Lavender Lace. While the drink had incredible lavender flavor, it was too much like drinking a perfume. The wine list wasn't too bad. I had a Tempranillo and a Super Tuscan.
For starters, we had the special of chicken wings served over creamy polenta with a Putanesca sauce. We also had the flat bread with prosciutto and green olive and Manchego cheese. Both were excellent, though if you forced me to complain, I didn't like how the prosciutto came off after one bite. Simple, I know, but it's gets messy putting that back on. For dinner, I had the duck meatballs which also had polenta. Very different but quite good. My wife had the lamb sugo gnocchi. She compared eating the gnocchi to eating fluffy pillows. After tasting them, I couldn't argue with that comparison. It was better than much of the gnocchi we ate in Italy. Dessert was a letdown, which I believe it normally is when you're consuming trendy food. We split the sorbet which was okay but not anything exciting.
They do a great job in terms of service and food, despite our disappointment with the dessert menu. I felt it was a great value as well. Get in there soon.